I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head ‘till I don’t want to sleep anymore.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I’m down to just one thing.
And I’m starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn’t do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
Come on tell me
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I’m down to just one thing.
And I’m starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it’s still the same
Everywhere I look you’re all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.
Come on tell me
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I’m down to just one thing.
And I’m starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
she shines
she matters when everything is meaningless
fragile
she doesn’t see her beauty
she tries to get away
sometimes
it’s just that nothing seems worth saving
I can’t watch her slip away
I won’t let you fall apart
she reads the minds of all the people as they pass her by
hoping someone can see
if I could fix myseld I’d - but it’s too late for me
I wont let you fall apart
we’ll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide
I’ll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
…but they keep waiting
…and picking…
it’s something I have to do
I was there, too
before everyhting else
I was like you
You and I, we may look the same
But we are very far apart
There’s bullet-holes where my compassion used to be
And there is violence in my heart
Into fire you can send us
From the fire we return
You can label us a consequence
Of how much you have to learn
You can try but you’ll never understand
This is something you will never understand
Can you hear it now?
Hear it coming now?
Can you hear it now?
On hands and knees
We crawl
You cannot stop us all
you wear our bones
our skin
We will not let you in
You have set something in motion
Much greater than you’ve ever known
Standing there in all your grand naivety
About to reap what you have sown
Time will feed upon your weaknesses
And soon you’ll lose the will to care
When you return to the place that you call home
We will be there, we will be there
On hands and knees
We crawl
You cannot stop us all
Our blood will stay
We will not go away
On hands and knees
We crawl
You can not stop us all
Our blood, our grace
Will never leave this place
We crawl
We crawl
We crawl
We crawl
I’d listen to the words he’d say but in his voice I heard decay the plastic face forced to portray all the insides left cold and gray there is a place that still remains it eats the fear it eats the pain the sweetest price he’ll have to pay the day the whole world went away
John: Lose your mask and break down
I sit just outside of St. Lobaf on a wooden bench. I know something is missing from deep within me. A hole rests in the center of my heart. I hide under a mask of fake smiles and fake happiness. No one knows why I am here but my dad. Deep within my past is the dark truth. I know that Tavros is watching me and the others. The others being Dave and Karkat.
I feel for the piece of metal that’s in my pocket. I got it form someone that was about to be transferred to somewhere else. I think about how the world will keep going even if I were gone from it.I know that what I am about to do will change how others view me, but I don’t care. In truth I don’t care about anything but my end now. I frown as my tears start to fall and I let out a sob. Soon I am nothing more then a sobbing mess. I can hear Tavros trying to calm me down. I can’t seem to breathe now and somehow I know I am about to pass out. The last thing I hear before the blackness takes me in is Karkat yelling “Holy Fuck”.
Your cracks are showing
My life has never been as peachy as all my friends think. Something is missing from deep within me. A hole rests in the center of my heart and it’s all my fault. I let this happen to me I was to weak to stop it. His touch those words frightful to the core. The nightmares are coming back. I am to blame for that too. I ran out of my anti depressants weeks ago.
We have been in the yellow yard for about a four or five weeks now. Davesprite tries to get me to open up to him. I can’t he’s not my Dave and I’m not his John. The only one that knows my secret is dead. I know I am going to crack soon I just hope no one is there to see it. That’s why I have locked myself in my room I can’t let them see. I can hear Davesprite pounding at the door telling me to open the door or he will go all Strider on it.
“Fuck off fake Dave!” I scream back my self loathing and depression overflowing now. I curl even tighter into the ball that I am in and I let out a choked sob. “I’m not worth you time, fuck I am not worth anyone’s time.” Someone is holding me now I can’t see who though my tears. I cling to the stranger no longer caring who would see me like this. I can hear the one holding me singing. That voice is Davesprite’s. I felt my eyes start to close as I was calmed by his voice. The last thing I heard him sing was “you’ll never know dear how much I love you.”
John: Attempt to fuck off forever
This feeling never leaves you alone
You pull the trigger on your own
You’re hiding in your safe place
Hiding with your eyes shut tightly all the way to the hospital
Song: Hospital by The Used
I stare at my laptop screen and read my Suicide e-mail to Dad, Jade, Rose, and Dave. It’s me bearing my all telling them how fucked up I really am. I don’t even hesitate to press send there almost done. I am glad Dad is at work now as I grab his revolver from my desk and put it to my head. I close my eyes and smile as I pull the trigger. Something is terribly wrong all I see is black but I can kinda hear my Dad saying something. I fade in and out as I realize that I fucked up and missed the fast way out. I can hear Dad a little better now he is on the phone now. Shit he said something about the hospital. Don’t save me Dad I don’t want to be saved. I fade out again only to come back to realty in intense pain I slowly open my eyes and cry. I failed I am still breathing. Well fuck that is just grand.
About me
All about a fucked up 24 year old bisexual female writer that loves Homestuck and Sadstuck.
